hati hampa or hati kosong

for several days i've been experiencing awkwardness in the core of my heart. as my heart aches, trembles, vibrates, in a very unstable and incoherent manner, my conscious mind starts to decipher all the codes of arts the cunning heart is juggling or playing with.so which one, the heart or the mind is the disingeniuous one?i need to uncover this as i need to put the blame on something or someone.yeah, someone, maybe afterall someone is supposed to be pointed to.not thing.my heart and my mind are just part of someone.and that someone is me.oh no, no, no...i'm not guilty for this.i'm totally innocent.just look at my cute-as-though-false-lashes-i'm-wearing blinking-eyes talking to you of the pureness inside.oh, what crap is dis.

Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast?
most of the time i like it fast but moderately.not so fast.

Out of all the shoe companies what is your favorite?
many cause i just lurve shoes.

Are you texting anyone?
yup.

Did you have a good birthday this year?
not really

What were you doing at midnight last night?
a very gud sleep on my own bed.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name begins with J?
of course.its mak jumilah.

Have you ever been in a car accident?
no.

Will you be in a relationship next month?
maybe not.

Are you happy with the way life is going?
not really.

Do you laugh easily?
yes.giggle also.

Are you generally a nice person?
well i try not to be nice all the time but i just dont know how to say no.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
i hate cigarettes.

What will you be doing tonight?
terawih n then shopping at jln tar.

Would you ever die your hair black?
no.

Are you happy to go back to school?
i really cherished moments back at school.

Any regrets?
no regrets on every crucial decision in life that i've made.

Hate anybody?
dislike maybe.

Are you keeping a big secret from anyone?
yes.

What time do you plan on going to bed?
10.45pm.i know,early for most ppl.

Last person you talked on the phone with?
mak.

Last time you went to the beach?
June kot.

Anything you'd like to say to someone?
i'm sorry.

When was the last time you attended a barbecue?
early this year.

Have you ever received a call that made you cry?
yes.

Your last ex says they never even liked you, you say?


What is something you disliked about today?
a very bored day cause no task at all.


When was the last time you felt really excited?
long ago.cant even remember when.

Are you a morning person or a night person?
depends.


Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?
i hope i cud.

What was the first thing you thought when you woke up today?
work.

just another post

its been a very long time since the last time i update anything here.it's not dat i dun want to.in fact, i always think about scribbling here.however, the fact dat i have a problem in accepting the reality of my life now (working and not anymore studying. having lots of friends or interesting activities to do like back then) really2 stressed me up.it makes me think that im a very boring person.and i start counting how many friends left i have. the last time i wrote was the first day of Ramadhan and now we are approaching Syawal.it's just around the corner.I hope i'll be celebrating this raya with a lot more happiness and gratefulness. ow ya, speaking of raya, i also hope i will have the courage to go to mom, hold her hands tight and beg for forgiveness like i always want to.but always fail too.i've sinned a lot towards her, one thing that im sure of but too ego to say it out front to her.huhuhu..what kind of daughter am i.yeh,stubborn, hard hearted n etc.

Dear mom,

Im so sorry for every single thing i've done dat hurt your loving heart.every tears u shed because of my misbehavior.i promise n i try to be the best child for u mom.